Music Friday...

I've been listening to two songs this morning, so I figured I would share them with you all...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NvlW4bEjB5A

...when I was in college, I would sing this to myself while walking to class. Our path's on campus were cobblestone, so it connected for me. LOL

This song is just encouraging...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-PNun-Pfb4

Enjoy

THE little GUY

As you can probably tell, the properly bundled up little gentleman to the left is me. For him, the world was so big and bright...he was so curious and well intentioned...he was a good kid...exceptionally bright and eager. The yard was an adventure, even an old box was exciting...he loved to climb on and under furniture...the world at large was full of mystery and wonder. Every day was filled with discovery and learning. He was enthralled with music. He was a happy child and had a great time exploring his little world...full of life and joy.


Honestly, I'm envious of him, and sometimes I'm overwhelmed with concern for him...because a few short years later, his safe world would fall apart and everything that he felt holding him secure would fail him...although he didn't collapse completely outwardly, on the inside he was shattered. Circumstances happen...and as believers, we all know that they work together for our good (thanks for the reminder Pastor)...but in the midst of all that, life seems to specialize at stealing that joy we have as children. Responsibility, problems and in my case, the collapse of my family structure, conspire to gradually suck the joy...the happiness...the fun...the light from our lives.


For some reason, I'm drawn to these pictures of myself, I keep one where I can see it at work...I often use them as profile pics on Facebook...because I like to look at them and wonder what that little boy was thinking, what he was feeling, what happened to him that day...as if to engage in some strange forensic exercise to trace the steps to the adult I know. Of course, my memory isn't that great and I didn't have a blog to look back on...or Facebook and Twitter statuses to remind me of where I was internally that day...so I often come back to where I am in relation to that little guy. See, I'm quite silly, I love cartoons...especially their theme songs...I can be downright childish at some moments...music brings me SO much joy...so I know he's in here somewhere...deep down, my inner child lives. I miss his curiosity about the world...life can make us so jaded...I miss the ability of a child to trust...people tend to rip that away over the years...I miss the pure intuition and integrity of youth...most of us adults learn to become quite numb and slick to navigate this world.


So...as my act of rebellion, I'm fighting for that little boy...not to absolve myself of the responsibility of being an adult...but to restore to myself the ability to laugh more...to enjoy more...to trust more...to care more.


You know, when I think about it, that little dude would jump from furniture and trees without a care...I think he somehow knew that if nothing else, the ground would always be there to catch him...the adult tends to focus more on the fact that it's very possible that hitting that ground will hurt badly. I guess my hope is that once again, one day I'll be more eager to fly than afraid to fall and be hurt...I owe it to him.

Here's that little one in all of us.


Cheers,


Jason

...been a long time

"...it's been a long time, I shouldnt've left you, without a dope beat to step to..." Man I miss Aaliyah...she was fast becoming one of my very favorite artists.

Morning folks...as you can see, I'm still working on this consistency in blogging...but I'm fighting the good fight. Back at work after a holiday, I realize that I can't wait until I'm working for myself...a long night of NBA 2K11, and I'm dragging a bit in the office...just a few more hours and I would be myself.

My weekend pretty much rocked all the way around...it's great when you get a chance to really enjoy time off...even when you spend 9 hours on a Sunday morning "working".

I had the opportunity over the last few days and weeks to REALLY consider how cool it is that I get to do what I love to do more than anything in the world EVERY Sunday...music is my heart and Jesus is my love. I get to use music to draw people into a closer relationship with God every week with some of my favorite people in the entire world. I'm REALLY grateful for that...as frustrated as I get sometimes, there are people who work their entire lives and would give their left arms to do what I've been graced to do for years. It has nothing to do with any talent of mine...it's simply God moving in my life...and if He doesn't do anything else with mine (yes, this is a cliche), what He's done thus far is AMAZING. I'm as broken, flawed, messed up, etc. as someone can be...but I'm a great example of what can happen by just being willing. Either way, I should say thank you more, but I'm really thankful for what I do...even the 6:45AM call time...LOL.

As I get older (yes, I'm approaching ANOTHER birthday)...I'm truly learning to be content but not complacent...some cool things are on the horizon for me, and I'm going to be working my tail off to move forward over the next few years but I'm a pretty happy dude.

Life isn't so bad after all.

...the greatest me.

I can usually trace my maturity and growth in my relationship with God by the presence of a few traits...one of the largest is self-reflection. I'm particularly hard on myself...and honestly, I'm probably not hard ENOUGH on others (that's another entry though)...when I'm growing, I'm constantly picking myself apart and choosing areas to better myself. A struggle I have is that I don't feel like I've ever been mentored in a hand's on way...because there's nobody like me...lol. I have close friends/big brothers/etc. that I glean from in a lot of ways, but when I look at the reality of who I REALLY am...what I REALLY want...I stand alone. I've spent my life trying and failing at simply being myself...because I've looked out at the world at what "made sense" and found my "mentoring" there.

God is pretty funny, because He's never allowed me to be satisfied with what I've found...and it always draws me back to Him. Through this trial and error of closeness and distance, I've discovered who I am, as well as who I'm not. And honestly it's painful, because who I'm NOT will disappoint some people who I value greatly...who I really am will shock and surprise a lot...and I'm finally getting to the point where I don't care. I could be awesome at a lot of stuff...I've been bright and capable my whole life...bright enough that I could always figure out a way around what I should do and capable enough to make it work. It took me getting a bit older and not feeling satisfied with what "others" thought was valuable to say screw it...I DO want to be the greatest...the greatest ME.

For all of us, we were created with a particular thing in mind...regardless of who or what you believe, you're here for SOMETHING. Our #1 job in life is to find out what that is, and execute it to the best of our ability while we're here...now what that entails is getting to know who created you and that purpose...but that's another entry too. It's a sad thing to live an entire life without chasing what you're here to do...I don't have much choice, I've got to be me. Nobody wants to fail, but if I do, at least I'll fail trying to be the greatest me there ever was. There is something the world desperately needs that only you can provide the way you can...it's the beauty of the divine puzzle that somebody (LOL) put together an awful long time ago. We win by playing our position...by simply being that piece...whatever that means. If I get in position...it makes it easier for you to get into yours...and the next person, and so on and so on...that's how the world changes and improves, by people being/doing who/what they're here. What a wonderous journey it is, but I mean we're here...what else do we have to do? LOL

J.

...still catching up but happy

I'm still catching up, my goal is to write an entry a day...we'll see if I can get there.

Something has become pretty apparent to me lately...I'm HAPPY...which is a really great state to be in. I'm not happy because everything in my life is exactly where I want it to be...but overall, I've found the good in what I've been blessed with. I'm notoriously bratty in that I ALWAYS want more...and not always in a positive manner, but I'm really learning to be "content in whatever state I find myself". Hopefully that happiness will lead to my being able to further create the reality I desire...stay tuned.

My weekend was pretty cool after getting over being under the weather (whoever created the "summer flu" should be KICKED). Got plenty done at home, hit the mall (help me Lord), had a really fun Sunday at church and cooked dinner. My beloved Skins lost, but even in the loss, I can see the positive. Things are looking up for us!

Fashion Week just passed...and I'm rather sick of gold chains, 2 or 3 finger rings, mullets, shags, etc...I consider myself to be rather fashion forward...but come ON! LOL

Okay, enough of my random musings for now...I've got some (a LOT) of work to do.

Jay

...understanding

I've been thinking a lot about behavior...by myself and others...and I always get curious about why people act the way they do.

For me, I find myself frustrated with people a LOT for one reason or another...it's the nature of human relationships and one of our greatest sources of education and growth (which is how I think God intended it...but it's also TERRIBLY painful, which is why I believe I shy away from human interaction many times). My frustration is often tempered when I'm faced with other's frustration with me...either my lack of engagement...the odd way I can seem to connect with someone when really keeping them at arm's length...my time-honed method of spending a LOT of time around people even when I would rather not...to which my response is always "but if only you knew WHY I act like this..."

I've heard several times over the years that we are merely the sum total of our experiences...and if this is true, then our interactions with people should be viewed through that lens. EVERYONE has a past, be it positive or negative, and that past colors our present...to what extent is up to us...if we're even aware of it. I'm not saying we need to conduct psychological evaluations on everyone in our lives to determine what their root issues are...but I AM saying that when we encounter an odd or uncomfortable behavior, our dealings would be eased with a simple attempt to consider that SOMETHING made them that way...gave the impression that their behavior was either acceptable or necessary.

Let's be real, NONE of this is comfortable, but humans are messy by nature...life has an uncanny way of depositing things and withdrawing others...some never to be found again. Most of them come in some way through human interaction...and a clearer understanding of those interactions would go a long way towards both protecting ourselves and avoiding doing further damage to others. The statement "hey, I KNOW how I get..." is a mainstay in my vocabulary...and it should apply when dealing with others...it's not to excuse people, but should merely be the entrance into an attempt to apply understanding to our relationships (regardless of the level) with others.

Maybe I'm just idealistic, I just dream of a world where we attempt to deal with each other on a more even and understanding level...maybe we'll find we're more alike than we know...would that be such a bad thing?

Getting Back...

I feel terrible for not blogging for the last week (plus...lol)...I was VERY sick last week and just wasn't up to writing anything. Fortunately, I'm NEVER at a loss for things to say and there are some happenings I have thoughts to share about, I'm just hoping that at some point this week I'll have the opportunity to collect them all.

Today is our "Staff Appreciation" day at work, and the whole office is leaving shortly for a reception and to attend a Washington Nationals game. Seeing my normally "buttoned-up" colleagues in t shirts and jeans is actually pretty funny but this should be a cool day, complete with early dismissal (always a MAJOR FTW!)...which will be necessary because I can almost guarantee that most of the folks here will be way too hammered to work after the game. Either way, I'll catch up with you all (and hopefully my thoughts) shortly.

Peace

...beautiful things?

Michael Gungor is one of my very favorite artists...Christian or otherwise...his latest album, Beautiful Things, wrecks me in a way few projects have. The title track is a refresher on what (the Spirit of) God does so perfectly...regeneration.

The awesome thing about God is that He exists in 3 persons that are all equal but submit to one another in that they perform separate functions...we are not complete as believers until we have been dealt with by the total nature of who God is...God in creation, Christ in redemption and Holy Spirit in regeneration. For many of us, we have begun the process in great form...we all have been created by God in His image, etc...those of us who have accepted Jesus as Savior and Lord have been dealt with by Christ in redemption...leaving the remaining third of the process that endures for the remainder of our time on earth...regeneration through fellowship with the Spirit of God ("Holy Spirit", "Holy Ghost", etc.).

Not surprisingly, this is where MOST of us stall...lol. You see, creation was the easiest part because we had no hand it in. Redemption was a bit tougher, because it required a conscious decision to put our faith in Jesus Christ...which means accepting all of His claims and promises...but regeneration...whooooo...that's where the work begins. You see, from the day we become believers and accept the Spirit of God living inside us, we are constantly at war because of the new duality of our nature...Flesh vs. Spirit. Our natural inclination is rebellion...we fight and fight and fight some more to do things our way...while the God living inside us yearns to mature us, grow us, challenge us, change us, etc..."making us new". You see, nothing comes into contact with the Spirit of God and remains unchanged...we are created with a deep yearning and void for completion by the "loving" Spirit. Now that "love" functions in ways we will NEVER fully comprehend, but believe that everything God does or allows in your life is for your good...whether it hurts or not, God loves us too much to leave us the way we are.

I could go into an exhaustive exercise on what it looks like day to day to experience that regeneration, but I'm inspired to start right where we are...imperfect, incomplete, fatally flawed individuals who were desperately in need of a Savior...and are now desperately in need of Someone to "make us new". Day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment, incident by incident, encounter by encounter, choice by choice...the onus on us to allow God through His Spirit to lovingly make us new...over and over and over again. Without it, we are absolute messes...utterly chaotic messes...just as the beginning of Genesis recounts how God brough order to the chaos that existed before the world was formed, God desires to create order and beauty and purpose from our personal confusion.

Basically, the song of our hearts is "You make beautiful things...You make beautiful things out of dust. You make beautiful things, you make beautiful things out of us." We are officially "under construction" for the remainder of our lives...which means each day we must allow God to make us better than we were the day before. I know it's personally challenging to me...I'm hard-headed and stubborn as they come...but I'm ever grateful that I can with conviction sing the refrain in this song I love so much..."You make me new, you are making me new. You make me new, You are making me new." I pray we all do the same, so that the infinite Love of God can make a difference in our lives moment to moment...our spheres of influence day to day...and our world generation to generation.


With all that in mind...take a listen...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OR7VOKQ0xJY

"...Dear Lord, please keep making me new...Love, Me."

...we love Fantasia.

...so I'm not sure what proper protocol is about blogging on issues...I don't really have a focus here, other than to share things that may be thought provoking to others, so I'll go ahead with this one.

I, like most people, have heard about this whole controversy surrounding Fantasia...the alleged affair, the suicide attempt, etc., and there's one main thing that bothers me...the venomous and plain mean things I've heard people say about her situation. I'll try to keep this short, but either way, wrong or not, she's a young lady who is obviously living in pain and makes some mistakes as a result...which sounds like most of us. All of us are the sum of our experiences...good and bad...and sadly, the bad experiences often cause us to make mistakes in efforts to sooth or mask our pain...which lead to more bad experiences and when left unchecked, can create a vicious cycle that destroys lives. Regardless of what our faith entails, we all desire the "grace" to make mistakes and the opportunity to learn from them and become better. Someone being famous doesn't make them exempt from that...it actually heightens the need for that grace from Almighty God...and from the people around them. All I'm saying is let's extend the same measure of grace to her that we do to our friends who get themselves tangled up in bad relationships...to our homies who make bad choices...that same grace we ask for when our poor decisions leave us broken and torn...we want the chance to recover and be better...and not be slapped in the face with reminders of our sins at every turn...let's learn do the same for others.

As an "artistic" person, I'm well aware of the pitfalls of the heightened level of attention that talent can bring...the access it gives you...and how susceptible to falling you are as you climb. In our society, we've created a build to tear down culture...we shoot celebs/artists/talented people/athletes/etc. to the highest heights because of what they provide us in whatever form, but as soon as they display the flaws (...usually the flaws that help provide that great level of artistry...I think I'll discuss that later here), we shoot them down as quickly as we elevated them. Not to be cliche, but artists are people too. I'm not saying they're excused for their wrong, just that we should root for them to be better...God specializes in reclamation projects, if He didn't, then we would all be absolutely NOTHING...let's just start lobbying for that same recovery and victory in the lives of others. Lord knows we all need it.

Just a thought.

...the weekend's over (insert sad face)

I had a pretty cool weekend. It started with the last night of laying vocals for my friend Tifani's Church record. We had a great group of singers who are even more wonderful people...always a pleasure in that environment.

Saturday was burn-out day...slept late, hit the gym, barbershop and the mall. Dinner for Restaurant Week at MASA 14 (www.masa14.com). Meal was awesome as always...my favorite was the spicy tuna roll...service was excellent...truly one of my faves.

Ended the evening with a movie..."The Other Guys"...FUNNY, FUNNY, FUNNY. Will Farrell will always get a laugh out of me...and the cameos from The Rock and Samuel L. Jackson set it OFF!!!!! Go see it!!

Sunday is my looooooong work day...(www.zionchurchonline.com). I've had the privilege of serving as a worship leader there for several years and yesterday was truly one for the books. Pastor Battle's message was killer as always and the worship team really showed up. We ended the set with "How He Loves" by John Mark McMillan (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0luHiWwi08). It's an amazing illustration of the immeasurable depth of God's love for us...the congregation went off and really seemed to engage. It's a song that can meet ANYONE wherever they find themselves in their walk. It's wild to me that whenever I'm having a bad day....like yesterday...He finds a way to do something so off the chain that I forget all about what's bothering me. Sounds like good parenting to me.

Have a great week family!

Jason

Starting Again...

...so I've had this blog for a while now, and of course, this is the first post. I've actually had two other blogs that I can't remember. Life has changed so much for me over the last few years and even the last few months...one constant for me is that I always have something to talk about...so this marks a renewal of my effort to share things with the world that will help in some small way. Somebody wish me luck...here goes...