...the greatest me.

I can usually trace my maturity and growth in my relationship with God by the presence of a few traits...one of the largest is self-reflection. I'm particularly hard on myself...and honestly, I'm probably not hard ENOUGH on others (that's another entry though)...when I'm growing, I'm constantly picking myself apart and choosing areas to better myself. A struggle I have is that I don't feel like I've ever been mentored in a hand's on way...because there's nobody like me...lol. I have close friends/big brothers/etc. that I glean from in a lot of ways, but when I look at the reality of who I REALLY am...what I REALLY want...I stand alone. I've spent my life trying and failing at simply being myself...because I've looked out at the world at what "made sense" and found my "mentoring" there.

God is pretty funny, because He's never allowed me to be satisfied with what I've found...and it always draws me back to Him. Through this trial and error of closeness and distance, I've discovered who I am, as well as who I'm not. And honestly it's painful, because who I'm NOT will disappoint some people who I value greatly...who I really am will shock and surprise a lot...and I'm finally getting to the point where I don't care. I could be awesome at a lot of stuff...I've been bright and capable my whole life...bright enough that I could always figure out a way around what I should do and capable enough to make it work. It took me getting a bit older and not feeling satisfied with what "others" thought was valuable to say screw it...I DO want to be the greatest...the greatest ME.

For all of us, we were created with a particular thing in mind...regardless of who or what you believe, you're here for SOMETHING. Our #1 job in life is to find out what that is, and execute it to the best of our ability while we're here...now what that entails is getting to know who created you and that purpose...but that's another entry too. It's a sad thing to live an entire life without chasing what you're here to do...I don't have much choice, I've got to be me. Nobody wants to fail, but if I do, at least I'll fail trying to be the greatest me there ever was. There is something the world desperately needs that only you can provide the way you can...it's the beauty of the divine puzzle that somebody (LOL) put together an awful long time ago. We win by playing our position...by simply being that piece...whatever that means. If I get in position...it makes it easier for you to get into yours...and the next person, and so on and so on...that's how the world changes and improves, by people being/doing who/what they're here. What a wonderous journey it is, but I mean we're here...what else do we have to do? LOL

J.