"Heart Condition"

...so I'll say this, to whomever...

I remember when I got saved (which has been a LONG time now...LOL) and when I got serious about my faith and how EVERYTHING seemed different.

I was SO sensitive to God's voice, SO sensitive to how His Spirit was moving...I was SO bothered by the negative things in the world...SO offended and disgusted by my own crap...and I got older...and I "learned" more...I got smarter in the faith, but my faith in what I learned gradually diminished. Eventually things just became "normal" to me. People died...kids starve...folks suffer...I sin in a myriad of ways...church is cool, and just someplace I go every week because it's "what I do"...life just is what it is...

...a few years ago, I remember hearing about someone I knew dying...and I specifically recall saying "wow, that sucks"...and moving on with my day. I sat and thought about my reaction...and what it meant for the condition of my heart...well, because out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks (Mat. 12:34)...pay attention to the use of the word "abundance" as it refers to what FILLS the heart (check the Greek). If this is true, we can determine the content by what comes out of it...in this case my words...I was insensitive and cold to the plight of others. Faced with this truth, I was bothered by the idea that I could call myself a believer, serve in ministry and want to see thousands excited about something I wasn't experiencing.

So I did something dangerous...I asked God to make me sensitive again...I wanted to FEEL again...I wanted to CARE. When I sing the song "Hosanna" and sing the line "break my heart for what breaks Yours..." it brings me back to this request.

Funny thing about God is, because He's GOD, when He moves something, He MOVES...over the last few years, I've noticed that I'm bothered by so much...I'm so irritated by things...songs REALLY touch me...watching people suffer really messes with me...gradually, I'm getting my edge back.

I'm saying all this to say, there's something to be said for becoming experienced in God, but it's a dangerous thing to take Him for granted...to take the plight of humanity lightly...to merely accept our own infirmities...fighting the good fight of faith requires actually CARING about the fight. It's definitely a process...but bit by bit we have to fight for every inch of ground in the battle between having the heart of the Father and merely having a heart.